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Levinson Lays Down the Law: MIT Win Streak Hits Three

In Independence Day, “cable repairman” David Levinson flew into orbit to vanquish Earth’s oppressor, but in the Cornell/MIT Fictional Alumni Tournament, defeating his opposition required far less effort.

Cornell’s Mitchell Pritchett may have no trouble when it comes to convincing a jury of his peers, but when it comes to overall contributions to society, saving the Earth from impending doom carries more weight than defending habeas corpus.

Most pro-Levinson responses revolved around a central theme: he saved the world. Even with Perry Mason, Matlock, and Johnny Cochran by his side, Pritchett Esq. would have had a tough time making a case for himself.

If there’s one thing the judges have learned throughout the course of this tournament, it’s that Cornellians, no matter how daunting it may seem, can come up with a defense for their brethren:

Mitchell Pritchett all the way. We need a man from a modern family that understands the modern world we all live in. #MITCU – Allen

Levinson only thought of the computer virus idea because of his father, otherwise he would have kept drinking himself into a coma and the aliens would have taken over. Mitchell is a devoted father, successful attorney, and a shining example of how to succeed despite society’s prejudices and narrow perception of family values.- Keith

I vote Mitchell – he makes us laugh every week, and showed great ingenuity using the placebo effect on his dad this week. Must have taken Psych 101 at Cornell… – Julianna

Even MIT alums found some fault with Levinson:

Sorry fellow alumni, Levinson’s use of a Powerbook (pre-OS X no less!) is a huge knock to his geek cred. Contrast with Mitchell’s awesome Spider-Man costume (and wall-clinging ability!), and I’ve got to give this round to Mitchell. – Todd

Saving the world was the popular point made by the Engineers, but some chose to stray down the path of ridiculing Mitchell’s profession and his…delicate sensitivities:

Definitely Levinson. He’s got a cuter spouse, he whines marginally less, and he’s not a lawyer – Doug

No contest—-the only drawback to David Levinson is that he did not truly save the world by having the dinosaurs refine their diets to attorneys such as Esq. Pritchett. – Jeffrey

David Levinson went from cable guy to world-saving hero in the span of a few days (thanks to his MIT education). Mitchell doesn’t even come close. Plus, how would he save the world from certain annihilation given his crazy fear of birds?… – Kirpeep.com

In the end, this was a battle between a man of science and a man of the law. While the justice system is an important part of maintaining civility, science is what advances society and sometimes, rescues it from a race of aliens who have the ability to build massive spaceships and fly across the universe, yet didn’t have the foresight to install Norton Anti-Virus on the mainframe computer of the mother ship.

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4 Comments

  1. Bernardo

     /  November 7, 2011

    What about the other great fictional Cornellians?

    Charles Foster Kane? Tara Reid’s character from American Pie?

    Reply
  2. Todd

     /  November 8, 2011

    Thanks for quoting me, but I’m a proud MIT alumnus. Are we not allowed to vote for the other team?

    Reply
  3. Circuit

     /  January 4, 2012

    Where’s Gordon Freeman?!

    …He graduated from MIT…

    Reply

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