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Kane Weathers the Storm: Cornellian Vanquishes Superhero, Advances to Semi-Finals

After a long holiday hiatus, the MIT/Cornell fictional feud was back in action this week and featured two characters of very different film fame. For MIT, it was Sus Storm, the invisible woman who is as famous for her time in the “Fantastic Four” as she is in her fantastic costume. As for Cornell, the Big Red were represented by Charles Foster Kane, a cinema icon who isn’t afraid to be lonely at the top as long as he can have his childhood sled when it’s all said and done. Certainly, both of these characters would have something to offer as a housemate. The MIT alumni community argued Storm was the obvious choice because her superhero powers would make living with her fun and exciting, not to mention the people she associates with would be fun company. Cornell focused on the luxury and influence that would come with living amongst Kane’s wealth and power. Both schools made compelling arguments for their fictional fellow alumnus, but in the end, it came down to who our Columbia University judge would select. Here’s the verdict:

There are several good points about why Sue Storm would make an idea roommate: she’d kick butt, has hot friends and can easily disappear. And cool MIT co-eds are rare, as noted. But you have to compare her against Charles Foster Kane. Rich. You’d have an amazingly stocked wine bar and have expensive parties. And when looking at Sue Storm, she is not the first superhero you think of. When you think of great movie title characters, Charles Foster Kane is on the top of the list. And look at the legacy you’d have if one day you said your roommate was Charles Foster Kane. He has been an icon for 70 years. And 50 years from now, you can say your roommate was Sue Storm and you’d probably get a “who?” Charles Foster Kane will still be great 50 years from now.

The gavel has been lowered and it’s Cornell’s Citizen Kane that enters the semi-finals. Here’s a look at a few highlights that convinced the judge to side with Rosebud:

It is no contest. Have you seen the interior designing that Kane enjoyed at Xanadu. He would bring such luxury and accommodations to any house he inhabited. What privacy would someone have with Sue Storm who can hide herself in any location at will? Also, if she mismanages her powers, she could cause many of her housemate’s things to become lost as they would disappear from sight while she was near them. She would want to be able to have her friends and family visit. Does anyone think that a house would withstand a weekend with both Ben Grimm and Johnny Storm visiting. The house would become structurally unsound or ablaze within a matter of hours of both being there. Kane’s one quirk? He likes to keep a rickety old sled in the corner. Vintage chic anyone? – Aaron

Kane works 20-hour days. He would pay his share of the rent and never be home. That makes him an ideal housemate as long as you’re not also looking for a friend. He’d never notice if I borrowed his sled. He’s not really attached to that thing, is he? – David

As ZZ Top says “They come runnin’ just as fast as they cancause every girl is crazy ’bout a sharp dressed man.” Charles Foster Kane gets my vote! And frankly, what good is a genetics researcher as as housemate? Does she do windows? – Elizabeth

MIT certainly made several good arguments for Sue Storm, including this gem from Hal:

I vote for Sue Storm. Several reasons: 1. When I was an undergrad, the male-female ratio was 17-1, so, from a housemate point of view, I’m in favor of improving that demographic. Also, a good housemate ought to enhance social events in the house. Sue has this really great party trick (where’d she go?) that is sure to delight visitors. Plus, she’s a very talented scientist, and would likely help a lot with problem sets. And in contrast, Kane is a yellow journalist, much more prone to sensationalism than well documented facts in his papers, and I suspect that would conflict with my engineer mentality. SO, when can Sue move in?

The Big Red win means it’s an even field for the semi-finals as both schools have two people remaining in the tournament. The final four is here and it all begins Monday as MIT’s space-obsessed scientist Ellie Arroway, collides with cartoon Cornellian Side Show Mel. It’s science vs. slap-stick and you can bet these respective alumni communities are ready to drop the gloves…

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